"My darling teen nighttime dramas, hear my cry! Stop having main characters murder people! Charges are never pressed, no one goes to jail, and the whole thing is forgotten a few weeks later when so-and-so sleeps with the hot history teacher. It's unrealistic, it's an obvious ratings ploy, and it's upsetting to dedicated viewers like myself, who suffer through the ridiculous notion that a cute blonde girl with a Balenciaga bag and a sunny smile would murder someone in what may or may not turn out to be a snuff film." via ...

"Ryan asks Syesha why she's currently blubbering like Brooke White at a puppy mill and Syesha manages to call down the ghosts of the civil rights movement to support her on her quest to be America's favorite girl." Classic, though I did actually vote last night, five times, for Syesha. And yes, I am adequately shamed that I'm a 30 year-old gay man voting for an American Idol. And you know that if I'm voting for her, she'll be kicked off tonight. via ...

A Hills surrogate called me two nights ago. This isn't an altogether unique experience, until he brazenly asked me outright for $100. I slowly told him that I waived the white flag a few months ago, and that I looked forward to the Obama/Clinton ticket. With the over-60 crowd stubbornly refusing to wake up and smell the cappuccino, the dread is spreading and I'm not feeling so chipper about November. ...