My friend Pat from Clearwater, Florida, is concerned that I'm not fully exploiting my current status. He suggests a more stringent admissions policy to my fan club, and a tightening of the reins on my part. He thinks it should be more of "an 'action group' kinda like the nazi 'Angstedt Grupen.'" Here are his proposed guidelines for the "First Ultimate Classified Knowledge Klub – Fabulous Action Group": Purpose – to select ambassadors for promoting the advancement of patrilineally exclusive males, forwarding the fact that our orientation is a reaction to overpopulation. Being the further evolved species we were created ...

Composer Howard Shore talks about turning David Cronenberg's movie The Fly into an opera. We always dreamed, but never thought it would really happen. It premieres tonight at the Chatelet in Paris. And we hear the "Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid" aria is the "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina" of the production. (t/y James) ...

Amy Winehouse fan Boy George knows exactly what needs to be done with her, and he's not keeping it under his hat. (He's wearing a hat, don't you know.) "You can't stop someone taking drugs, I know that," he says. "But you can certainly stop them performing. Somebody needs to stop her going onstage." He suggests her handlers physically "drag" her off the stage and allow her to deal with her demons away from public scrutiny. "I mean there's nothing of her... She's emaciated. It just breaks my heart to see it. Who is around to drag her off ...

Lindsay Lohan, 22 Ashley Tisdale, 23 Michelle Branch, 25 Jose Canseco, 44 Jerry Hall, 52 Peter Hager, 54 (my dad) Larry David, 61 Imelda Marcos, 79 SOS signal, 100 Herman Hesse, 131 (deceased) – Lindsey Hager ...

"Baldwin bags" are not, as you might think, the puffy things under 30 Rock star Alex Baldwin's eyes, but fresh New York slang for the poopy diapers worn by the city's carriage horses. The term was coined angrily by the Horse & Carriage Association of New York after Baldwin spearheaded a drive to free the weary horses from servitude. He'd rather see them put down than lugging tourists around the park all day and night. (Page Six; photo: Splash News) ...

"When I'm going down the street I get called a fag all the time. I'm still getting called the same names as when I was 13. There's a little bit of a gay witch hunt. I don't know if it's to bust homophobia wide open or get more attention. It's like, 'This person's gay, this person's gay, this person's gay.' When I said that I make out with dudes, there was a slight sense of sexual rebellion in that. And I probably even made it a bigger deal than it was. The last time I experimented was probably when ...

Paps and diners alike were caught by surprise when Madonna and Guy arrived arm in arm at the Upper West Side restaurant 'Cesca last night. Described by a witness as "normal," which they're decidedly not ever, the rumor-besieged couple appeared "very unassuming, not like they were looking for attention." But it was the gossiping bzz bzz bzz of everyone else at 'Cesca that was drawing the attention. (Peeps; images: poto; Dario Alequin/INF) ...

Good ol' regular Family Feud has been given the harsh arena makeover and a white-trash celebrity once-over. Last night on Celebrity Family Feud it was Kathie Lee Gifford's family vs Dog the Bounty Hunter's and we watched it because, it's true, we have no life once we move away from the computer. Anyway, it was fascinating to see Cody and Cassidy Gifford grown into decent kids, and we think the seemingly eight-foot-tall Cody might still be young enough to commit justifiable matricide and get off with probation. (Redlasso) ...

On a pop-culture tour of the US in advance of co-hosting Bravo's Tommy Hilfiger Presents Ironic Iconic America, supermodel Bar Refaeli found herself looking at sex toys and devices at New York's Museum of Sex. "All the used stuff is not my thing," she said, laughing. "I don't even shop at secondhand clothes stores." Like Leonardo DiCaprio hadn't been tried on a few times before she picked him. (Page Six; photo: Lalo Yasky/WireImage) ...

There's something about Amy's friend. (Photo: Xposure via The Sun) ...

James has a good ol' dirty time at the World of Wonder Storefront Gallery's "Homo-A-Go-Go" opening night reception. It's a solo show of WOW producer Thairin Smothers' go-go boy photo series. Between fondle sessions with the sexy go-go boys (and sticking his hand down the pants of gallery visitors), James chats with Thairin, Transmerican Love Story's Calpurnia Addams, MTV legend Jesse Camp, Big Brother winner/restaurant mogul Mike Boogie, Lenora Claire, and a slew of attractive party guests. ...

Could use a caption. (t/y Jim) ...

WOW runner Blake Jacobs writes: This weekend, I was lucky enough to be invited to San Francisco to hang out with Margaret Cho! You see, my friend Charlie Altuna is on Margaret's new show, "The Cho Show" alongside longtime friend of WoW Selene Luna. We arrived in San Fran Friday night at 10pm. We were greeted in the lobby by a very excited Ms. Cho and told to hurry up and get ready, we're going to a TRANNY SHOW!!! We did as we were told and were showered, shaved, primped, and at the restaurant, Asia SF (which my friend Michelle ...

Who is Tom Kramer? That's what Tom Kramer intends to find out. After struggling to get work as a TV director and then hitting bottom again, Tom finds himself living in a Hasidic rehab center in Los Angeles – and he's Catholic. Now that he's clean and sober he's not sure who this Tom Kramer is anymore. Determined to solve his identity crisis, he strikes out on an unusual mission to meet all the Tom Kramers across America; he figures they might help him find out who he is by finding out who he's not. ...

Jeez, can't a cat take a load off now and then without the camera coming out? (Break) ...

Why is Universal looking for HD replacement masters of Inside Deep Throat? ...

Clay Felker, the founding editor of New York magazine, died this morning at home in New York City after battling cancer of the throat and mouth. He was 82. Felker's idea for creating a magazine devoted to a single city and mixing lively content with smart writing (the "new journalism") revolutionized the periodical genre and started a trend that spread to other cities across the country. New York debuted as a supplement to the New York Herald Tribune in 1964; years later, the first issue of Gloria Steinem's Ms. magazine received the same treatment inside the pages of ...

It's that time of day when we like to involve ourselves in some Vampire Weekend, the band that has a song about a comma. But today it's their "A-Punk" video we've chosen. We wonder if, after they all agreed that the words "vampire" and "weekend" should be in the band's name, the musicians spent an arduous amount of time arguing over whether it should be Vampire Weekend or Weekend Vampire. If so, we think the time invested was well worth it; Vampire Weekend is far more sophisticated and evocative than the sleazy Weekend Vampire would have been. But enough about ...

WOW Report fan Eddie Lotts writes: Hey there, you super fantastic WOWers! It's your roving reporter from Wichita KS, who normally updates you on the comings and goings of Kirstie Alley when she visits her hometown. Well, my partner and I are on vacation in Chicago, which happened to coincide with Pride activities and the big parade (really, we didn't plan it this way). Since our condo rental is only a couple of blocks away from all the activities in Boystown, well, we couldn't pass it up, could we? So Saturday, we went to the Pride activities, which was ...

"There are no plans for Madonna and Guy to divorce. Madonna and Alex [Rodriguez] have the same manager, Guy Oseary. They have met. They know each other and Madonna took her kids to a Yankees game last week. There's really not anything to comment on beyond that. It's nothing new that people are airing tons of dirty laundry Madonna's way lately – much of it untrue. By the way, rumors of Madonna and Lil Wayne are quite exaggerated as well." – Madonna's spokesmouth Liz Rosenberg to People, on the stories currently circulating about her client. ...