"It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art." (Oscar Wilde)"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure." (Mark Twain)"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep." (Woody Allen) ...

"Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens." (Woody Allen)"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." (Douglas Adams)"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." (Will Rogers) ...

"Death doesn't really worry me that much, I'm not frightened about it... I just don't want to be there when it happens." (Woody Allen)"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." (Douglas Adams)"It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art." (Oscar Wilde) ...

"More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly." (Woody Allen)"You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way." (Will Rogers)"It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating." (Oscar Wilde) ...

"Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying." (Fran Lebowitz)"It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is fatal." (Oscar Wilde)"Actions lie louder than words." (Carolyn Wells) ...

"I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets." (Dave Edison)"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants." (A. Whitney Brown)"What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?" (Woody Allen) ...

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." (Woody Allen)"It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it." (Attributed to American humourist Sam Levenson.)"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious." (Oscar Wilde) ...

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult." (Charlotte Whitton)"It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information." (Oscar Wilde)"You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself." (Sam Levenson) ...

"Illusion is the first of all pleasures." (Oscar Wilde)"An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today." (Laurence J. Peter)"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?" (Woody Allen) ...

"People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children." (Bill Watterson)"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room." (Woody Allen)"Funeral (noun): A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears." (Devil's Dictionary, Ambroce Bierce) ...

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet." (Woody Allen)"Friendship (noun): A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul." (Devil's Dictionary, Ambroce Pierce)"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you." (Oscar Wilde) ...

"I cannot say how sorry I am for the time I have spent reviewing this paper." (anonymous referee)"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion." George Bernard Shaw"Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental." ...

"The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.""To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." (Woody Allen)"I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again." (Oscar Wilde) ...

"Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." (Woody Allen)"I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability." (Oscar Wilde)"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." (Bill Watterson) ...

"Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view." "We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" (Jean Cocteau)"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way." (Mark Twain) ...

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do." (Dale Carnegie)"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?" (Woody Allen)"I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means." (Oscar Wilde) ...

"I love acting. It is so much more real than life." (Oscar Wilde)"I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you being competent." "An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it." (Jef Mallett) ...

"Visualizing? I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth." "The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone." (Woody Allen)"If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates." (Jay Leno) ...

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." (Winston Churchill)"As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls." (M. Cartmill)"I like persons better than principles, and I like persons with no principles better than anything else in the world." (Oscar Wilde) ...

"You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers." "I have plenty of talent and vision, I just don’t give a darn.""Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness." (Woody Allen) ...